As a writer who never, ever lies to his readers, I’m going to be up-front with you right now: I’ve used SparkNotes for reading assignments before. (Shakespeare, if you were wondering.) I’ve elected to skim something rather than read every word. And I’ve chosen not to do the reading at all, placing my hope in the fact that once you’ve heard the allegory of the cave, you’re pretty much set when it comes to Plato, making the rest of those chapters in “The Republic” optional.

The only thing I’m really proud of in the last paragraph is the fact that one of those sentences will probably get me a few letters to the editor from some philosophy professors. But while I won’t brag about the fact that I was able to get by in a certain freshman course without really reading Boethius, I don’t think I have to apologize for it either. Time management is a juggling act in college, and I’m of firm conviction that sometimes analyzing Locke and Rousseau has to take a backseat to getting some fresh air. Or Facebook.

But that’s just me. Because I want people to like me, I choose not to impose my study habits upon others – if you want to skip the reading altogether and wing it, that’s cool. And if you want to read every single word, highlighting and annotating until you can recite St. Augustine’s entire library by heart, kudos to you (even though that’s scientifically impossible). As long as you don’t ridicule me because I refuse to memorize a course reader word-for-word like you do, or make fun of me when I do, I’ll be able to stand you.

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You make three discoveries when you watch the Food Network. First, you realize that cooking’s really fun, and that it’s a useful skill that could potentially get you your own show one day. Second, you realize that no one on the Food Network really teaches viewers how to cook. Finally, you begin to understand that Paula Deen is usually more focused on getting whatever male guest star she has on “Paula’s Party” to take off his shirt than she is on cooking.

(Wait, four things: Emeril’s a psycho.)

Watching the food network over the summer – a lot – inspired me, though; especially because I knew I’d be living in an apartment with a kitchen this semester for the first time. I needed to either learn to cook or continue depending on Sodexo to nourish me. I chose the option that’s easier on the stomach. Incidentally, it’s also the one that won’t bankrupt me.

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In a recent Loyolan article detailing Sodexo’s price hikes, Sodexo General Manager Lisa Farrell said the following: “Students may be feeling the pain of prices, but they can take comfort in knowing they are spending their money on a newer variety of food, including vegan and vegetarian dishes.”

Exactly.

There is nothing more comforting than knowing that more of the money in my $2,000 meal plan is going toward things that I do not eat, like vegan and vegetarian dishes. It’s also really cool that Lisa Farrell is not only Sodexo’s general manager, but also someone who knows exactly what will comfort me when my Lion Dollar meter – which, OK, doesn’t really exist – reads zero. In February.

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When my mom requested my Facebook friendship a while ago, like any warm-blooded college student, I was hesitant. Not only was I worried that my mom wouldn’t be able to handle all my photo albums with titles like “101 kegstands” or “I do drugs whenever I have the opportunity/money,” but I also wasn’t sure I could handle the possible disappointment this would bring. It’d be a huge letdown to see I had four new notifications, only to find that my mom had Liked my status. Four times. On accident.

My mom has behaved so far, though, and although she’ll Like a status every now and then, she’s done a rather excellent job of adhering to the one rule I set back when I clicked “Accept”: Stay off the Wall. While it’s definitely not a fair deal, considering that I’ll post self-serving links on her Wall (e.g. this article), I think it’s a decent price to pay for having pretty much fullaccess to my social network. Also, she hasn’t seen my real Facebook page.

Relatives have definitely given Facebook a different feel, though. I admit it’s still a bit jarring to see my mom’s beautiful smiling face listed among the mutual friends I share with one of my best friends from childhood. But I suppose that’s part of what separates Facebook from MySpace: Facebook is a true social network, and MySpace is the place where naughty things happen. And it’s good for bands.

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Timothy Jackson, a professor of Christian ethics at Emory University, says this: “Persons only come to be persons, and continue to act like persons, because they have been shown a care that outstrips standard modern conceptions of justice.” In other words, caring for a person is part of what helps someone realize his or her own humanity.

America has failed miserably in helping its people realize their own humanity.

There are, sadly, plenty of examples, but let’s consider the healthcare debate. As those who oppose healthcare reform become more and more vocal, it’s become more and more clear that lies have become the weapon of choice for those who wish to stifle reform efforts. While conservative lawmakers are talking of death panels, current coverage getting drastically cut and undocumented migrant workers getting healthcare (God forbid), there are 46 million uninsured living in this country – probably more since the recession began, according to President Obama – and they’re playing a game of chance every day. The conservative might say, “Show me the 46 million people dying in the streets because they don’t have health insurance.” I say if that’s what it takes for you to consider healthcare reform, you’ve got bigger problems than being a conservative. Also, let me concede one of the conservative wing’s strongest points right now: Yes, there is a difference between being uninsured and without healthcare. The former bankrupts you; the latter could leave you with detrimental chronic health conditions. Both make a person’s life miserable.

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In my last column, I offered suggestions about what kind of personas LMU’s new freshmen (and transfers!) could try to adopt if they didn’t like the people they were in high school. I’m well aware that it takes a certain kind of person to assume that people aren’t happy with themselves, and to further assume that he can prescribe a personality change that will bring said people happiness, so I know what you’re thinking: What about the professors?

LMU’s professors are bound to provide students with an education that matches the price tag of this place, which, incidentally, is sinful. It’s no easy task to get in front of a group of students – whom it pains me to say are sometimes inattentive and downright asleep – and teach them stuff several times a week. I pretty much know what professors go through because I had to give a 15-minute presentation last semester and let me tell you, in hindsight, it was pretty dumb to factor time gaps into my actual presentation so that the class could laugh at my jokes, mostly because that laughing didn’t happen.

But in the time it took me to prepare that presentation, it struck me that most professors do that every day, making it seem completely effortless. (In contrast, other professors are effort-less.) Because I want to give back, I thought of some things I would do to make a class more interesting. Not that they’re not already. (Continue)

Sophomores, juniors and seniors – welcome back. You can stop reading now. (Please don’t.)

Freshmen – hi. I’d like you to ask yourself this question: Are you happy with the person you were in high school? Do you like what you stood for and what group you made yourself a part of? If you answered yes, you can also stop reading. (Again, that’s just a figure of speech.)

But, if your answer was something along the lines of a resounding “H to the ell no,” then I’m here to help. It’s said that college is the ideal time to adopt a new persona, because most people don’t know how you were in the past, so they won’t be able to tell that you were a brainless jock in high school if you do your best to come across as a well-read debate star. (Well, they might.) But if you are, in fact, looking to change, why not change so you fit into one of these molds?

(Also – welcome to LMU. It’s a fun place; glad to have you!)

The Rebel: There are plenty of things you can do to achieve non-conformity at LMU: be a Republican, use office hours, not use the gym, not hate the Loyolan, complete class assignments well before their respective deadlines.

Enviro-girl: Even if you don’t really care about the environment and say that global warming doesn’t exist (see also: Fully-Evolved Ignoramus), adopting this persona is the perfect excuse to lay the smackdown – verbal or otherwise – on someone who throws away – or even uses – a disposable plastic water bottle. Downside: Enviro-girl is often a vegetarian.

Pundit-in-Training: If you’re always waxing political, you’ll make a few close, like-minded friends, with whom you’ll be able to converse about the state of the world and society for hours on end. Everyone else will hate you.

Pretentious Queen of Travel: The P.Q.T. – a far cry from Michael Jackson’s P.Y.T. – never fails to mention how boring her current life situation is in comparison to how it was back in ’07 when she climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro with the pygmies. The P.Q.T. will also frequently get misty-eyed when talking about certain places – usually Ireland. You can thank Tristan and Isolde for that.

Guy Who Always Walks around Barefoot, Carrying a Guitar Case: There’s always one.

The Jokester: Everyone loves the Jokester, who’s perpetually witty and always has a mischievous twinkle in his or her eye. He or she is easy to locate, due to the entourage of people who can’t stop laughing with – not at – the Jokester. Jesus would hang out with this guy if he were still physically present.

The “Jokester”: The “Jokester” tried his darndest to be the Jokester, but, as the quotation marks around his title suggest, that didn’t really work out for him. He claims wordplay is “punny,” and will often succeed in making an otherwise pleasant situation awkward due to numerous desperate attempts at being funny. He might have an entourage, but again, makes things weird by openly referring to them as “my entourage.” Usually an opinion columnist, and will frequently employ stupid words like “darndest.”

Party Boy/Girl: Right. Because there aren’t enough of those walking around.

Roots: Roots never forgets where he came from, and will often insult California natives in an attempt to remain true to his hometown. Instead, he succeeds only in being lame. This might mean somebody from Northern California viciously defending her use of “hella” in response to being lightly teased about it, or someone from the Midwest wistfully – then bitterly – talking about how “back home,” all four seasons are distinct. Californians aren’t immune, though, seeing as how many Golden State natives will cut you if you refer to their home as “Cali.” But honestly? You probably deserve it.

The Art Major Who Defines Himself/Herself by His/Her Major: Don’t do this.

The Music Snob: If you do not like the music the Music Snob listens to, the Music Snob dubs you “tasteless”; if the Music Snob does not like what you listen to (which he will surely not if your favorite artists include Coldplay, Fall Out Boy and/or anything else that’s ever been played on the radio at any point in time), then you’re “just another pathetic fan of that mainstream crap.” Oddly enough, the Music Snob also listens to crap, though he’ll call it “metalcore” or “progressive.” Interesting side note: The Music Snob has no musical talent whatsoever.

Yourself: Ha, good one! You should try for Jokester.

As someone who’d been raised in the Catholic tradition my entire life, the “Catholicity” and “orthodoxy” of LMU was an important factor in deciding which college to attend. I told myself that any school I attended had to be in total good standing with the Church, and that the theology professors could only teach things that the Church approved of, and that there was only one side to issues of life and morality worth listening to: the Catholic side.

Now, looking back, that makes me cringe.

Besides the fact that my criteria left me with about three colleges – in the galaxy – to choose from, it was also the best way to become steeped in a close-minded faith that focused on things like doctrine and canon law instead of virtue and human circumstance. I luckily ended up at LMU, and after about a year here, I learned that, in terms of my faith life, there were much more important things to worry about than how the pope would rate my orthodoxy, or if I was committing some kind of grievous sin by forgetting that I was supposed to fast for an hour before partaking in the Eucharist at Mass.

If you’re a person of faith, LMU will shape your faith life in a way that I’m convinced very few other places can. That’s because at our University, community plays an absolutely crucial role in daily student life. If you went to the annual Welcome Mass that took place last Saturday, you heard an opening song called “All Are Welcome.” That song embodies what LMU is all about: It doesn’t matter if you’re Catholic, Jewish, Mormon or atheist – all are welcome to use the resources that our University provides to become a fully-educated man or woman for others.

What makes this community so special, though, is that besides reaching out to everyone, it still manages to do two things: maintain its Catholic character and help students grow in their own individual faith lives and find a spirituality that’s meaningful to them. Take a walk into Campus Ministry one day, and just talk to the people there. Their being present to you, their genuine interest that’s so evident when they ask how you are, their smile – that seems to communicate the message of Catholicism better than any primary source from a theology course reader ever could.

LMU’s Student Masses are also a unique experience that demonstrate how well LMU’s Jesuits can relate to the student body, and how important community is to the Catholic experience. I think some people forget that “catholic” means “universal” – luckily, the LMU Mass sermons and rituals and post-Mass community gathering on the stairs of Sacred Heart Chapel serve as pretty powerful reminders.

I could write entire Loyolans on the effect that LMU has had on my personal spiritual growth thus far. For your sake, I won’t – suffice to say that my faith life has shifted radically, for what I’m certain is the better. I’ve learned about the practicality of falling in love with God; I’ve learned about finding God in even the most mundane of things; I’ve learned about how powerful of an act of love it can be to simply put my cell phone away while someone is talking so that I can be fully present to them. And I’m still learning.

I became a theological studies major so that I could learn about the tenets of the faith that I’d grew up with. I remain a theological studies major so that I can learn about the aspects of my Catholic faith that I never explored. Three years ago, I never thought I’d support the ordination of women in the Catholic Church, or that I’d be in favor of priests being allowed to marry, or that I’d be throwing my support behind a presidential candidate like Barack Obama. (I heard more than once I wasn’t a Catholic anymore because I voted for him.) Three years ago, I was more worried about committing a heresy than acting in the name of love and justice.

But, thanks to LMU and the spirituality that it’s helped me discover, those days are over. And I’m pretty sure God’s alright with that. Maybe your experience will be different than mine, and we’ll have completely opposite viewpoints at the end of our time here at LMU. That’s OK, too. A good friend recently wished me a year that “keeps me on the path of happiness, faith, justice and peace.” If you open your heart and mind, LMU will do just that.

10. Because truth don’t matter when you’re as pissed as we are

9. We put the convolution in revolution

8. Facts? Those won’t stop us

7. Reppin’ the lunatic fringe since 2008

6. Because demanding a recount’s too easy.

5. We can talk over anybody

4. Bored and angry as hell

3. Not even believable as a Hollywood script.

2. Ain’t nothing wrong with bat-sh*t insane.

1. We’re not sayin’ we believe this…but just sayin’

But that’s only 46 million people – that means that the vast majority of Americans are covered. Good, right? Of course. But the people who take comfort in the fact that the majority of Americans are fine should quit kidding themselves and start looking to the future – 2040, to be exact. Because that’s when the number of uninsured Americans will probably be somewhere around 72 million.

Incidentally, that “It’s only 46 million people” attitude is absolutely despicable. It’s “only 46 million people” until you’re one of those people; then it becomes “46 million people.” For some reason, it’s become impractical to mix compassion and politics; for some reason, being impractical is now worse than not giving people the healthcare they need, costs be damned. Since when did it become necessary to profit from people getting the healthcare they need to survive?

And what kind of people are opposing this reform? The Obama Administration promises that discrimination for pre-existing conditions will cease, co-pays, deductibles and out-of-pocket expenses will be subject to a yearly cap, insurance companies will have to fully cover preventive care, the seriously ill will not be dropped or receive “watered-down” insurance, insurance companies will not be able to charge more because of your gender and extended coverage for young adults, among other benefits. That’ll be there for the people who can’t afford it under the current system – what about those who are satisfied with their current coverage?  They can keep it; Obama’s plan merely provides a public option. (Option means that you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to, in case you’re confused like a lot of the angry conservatives are.) So if you’re going to be in the same boat as you are now, what’s the big deal?

It might have something to do with the fact that many have labeled Obama’s plan a “rationing” of healthcare. From what I can tell, the Americans who absolutely hate the idea of rationing are the same ones who have always been well provided-for, and don’t seem to have the heart or time to empathize with those people who don’t know how they’re going to pay for a routine checkup. Let’s put the morality aside, though, since that’s what a lot of conservatives seem to be doing in this case: It’s not a question of whether we ration, people. It’s a question of how well we ration the scarce resources we, as a nation, have. And judging from the 46 million people without healthcare right now, we’re either doing a really crappy job or are just being super selfish. (I say both.)

Or maybe it’s the refusal to believe that a person without healthcare isn’t to be blamed for their situation. Maybe it’s the cancerous idea that, if you can’t afford something, that’s your own fault – even if what you can’t afford is the expertise of professionals that could keep you alive. I went to the doctor’s yesterday, and on my way home, I realized my entire trip cost about as much as a trip to the movies. That’s because I’m on my mom’s insurance; had I not been, I would’ve paid around $65 for a trip to the doctors and over $500 for the medication he prescribed. The lady behind me in line at the pharmacy wasn’t so lucky, though; it was heart-wrenching to see her face fall when she was told that she wasn’t covered for this particular medication, and that she’d need to pay out of pocket.

Or this – a couple years back, one of my relatives was really sick, and spent plenty of time in emergency rooms and getting tests done. This relative’s CAT scan was entirely covered by her insurance, but while she was checking out, she overheard an elderly lady being told that hers would cost about $600. She also told me that nurses and receptionists in emergency rooms treat you differently if you have insurance; the insurance-less, she said, are treated much more condescendingly, especially if they’re a minority. Apparently these nurses and receptionists are of the same mentality as those who oppose healthcare reform.

We need to reform our healthcare system. Yes, we need to do it for those millions of uninsured people to whom anything could happen at any moment. But we also need to do it to prove to the world – and, more importantly, ourselves – that America hasn’t forgotten that a human life is more important than financial vitality. We need to reform our healthcare system not only to prevent the bankruptcy of families who can’t afford to pay the average $10,000 a year, but the moral bankruptcy of a country that seems to have forgotten that it was built on the backs of the poor. We need to reform our healthcare system so that our children’s nation can look in the mirror and honestly say that yes, they do care more about life than luxury.

It starts with us.